Thread: Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity with New "Intelligent Falling" Theory

I found this appropos considering a lot of discussion lately regarding "ID" in many arenas. I feel that this pokes fun at the whole issue. From "The Onion" (the alternative terminology is priceless ):

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."

Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.

According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.

The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."

"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.

Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.

"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."

Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.

"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."

"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.

"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."

Aah, I should show this stuff to my teacher
Thanks for sharing

Good gawd. What I really enjoyed was:

"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have... The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases."

-Thomas Jefferson

Whose fault is it that our govt. keeps getting bigger and bigger ? Liberals, neocons (whatever THAT is), demicans, republicrats ? Who ?

Answer: All of our fault. When we learn to take care of ourselves, there will cease to be support and reasoning behind 9 million little bureaus and "projects" and agencies that we all have to answer too.

Was pretty funny though. The idea of it.

Originally Posted by Thane

Good gawd. What I really enjoyed was:

"Government big enough to supply everything you need is big enough to take everything you have... The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases."

-Thomas Jefferson

Whose fault is it that our govt. keeps getting bigger and bigger ? Liberals, neocons (whatever THAT is), demicans, republicrats ? Who ?

Answer: All of our fault. When we learn to take care of ourselves, there will cease to be support and reasoning behind 9 million little bureaus and "projects" and agencies that we all have to answer too.

I agree, but that is just my signature...

Originally Posted by drgoodtrips

I found this appropos considering a lot of discussion lately regarding "ID" in many arenas. I feel that this pokes fun at the whole issue. From "The Onion" (the alternative terminology is priceless ):

thanks dr

Brilliant piece! I intelligently fell off my chair from laughing!

The Onion never fails me.

"gravity-agenda scientists", hahahaha!

I know fascist pigs can't understand... but, Intelligent Falling advocates pay taxes too, to the public schools. We have taken things out of public schools because they offend mockery-deserving minorities. Then why not take the theory of gravity out? If you want your kids to be taught about gravity waves, send them to private school.

I'm not joking, assuming there were really any advocates of Intelligent Falling. Controversial subjects should not be taught on the taxpayers' dime.

I'm reminded to ask the warmongering, tea-drinking, jewdas "Religious Right" who pretend that they believe the Bible, how do they explain negroes?

Originally Posted by Philip

I'm not joking, assuming there were really any advocates of Intelligent Falling. Controversial subjects should not be taught on the taxpayers' dime.

With enough volume, a group of whackos could make anything contraversial. Should we not teach arithmetic because a group of alternative mathematicians just don't agree with the whole concept of "multiplication by zero"? There are two main types of controversy - those that occur over a subjective or poorly understood issue, and those that occur because a group of people subjectively and poorly undestand an issue. The education system is crippled enough as it is, without striking something from the curriculum every time someone decides that facts are open for interpretation. What you're advocating is some kind of PC run amok, where there exist no truths that might bother people. If little Suzie wanted to get out of taking an astronomy test that she forgot to study for, she could just claim that she doesn't believe in the sun.